Love is Patient

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up 

int the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)

This might be the main reason I felt led to start this journey.  I feel like I fly off the handle at my offspring too often.  I think it goes back to my first post where I don't expect my kids to be perfect but I sure have an unreasonably high expectation of them.  Don't misunderstand, I will always have a high expectation of my kids to do the right thing and treat others with kindness and respect.  Especially since it seems like the world doesn't expect those qualities out of kids these days.  But I need to balance that with the knowledge that my girls are 10 and 7 respectively.  

Patience is how love diffuses something negative.  Have your kids ever done anything negative?  Of course, and you are probably only thinking of this morning when they were getting ready for school.  My kids have the amazing ability to test the level of my patience with their tone, disobedience, irresponsibility, and at times lack of respect.  Sometimes in those moments I say or do something I am mad at myself for later.  These are the times I know I need to pause and not react emotionally.  The better parent in me waits until my brain has processed the incident and then make a logical parenting decision.  

This is what is so amazing about God's patience.  The bible says He is "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness" (Exodus 34:6).  If my kids were able to say those words about my parenting style I would feel like a champion! God lets his overflowing love control his anger.  Notice I did not say to not be angry.  The bible says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26).  Sometimes anger is appropriate but I must choose to not let it control my emotions and actions.

I have spent the last week really focusing on this attribute as a parent.  I can tell you it is like many things in life in that the more you do it the easier it becomes.  That said, I really did not shine on one particular day.  But tomorrow is a new day and I purposed in my heart I would change.  Through the week I found time with my girls much more enjoyable.  A reasonable expectation and a long fuse made for some rather good daddy/daughter times.  And I found I noticed some more simple pleasures like just the smiles my girls have.  It's tough to see the simple things when you lose focus.

Obviously this is not a one day, or one week thing.  I want this to continue through the rest of my time with my girls.  So if you see me, I give you permission to ask me how long my fuse has been lately.  I promise not to blow up at you.  

Love Blooms

...you, being rooted and grounded in love...(Ephesians 3:17)

Today was all about the question, how fertile is the love soil in my home?  Sound a little flowery?(pun intended) It's a great mental picture of thinking about how plants grow and how my kids grow.  I'm no green thumb when it comes to plants (or kids), but I have watered enough plants and grass to know that with good fertilizer and routine watering they will grow to be beautiful creations.

Imagine the words I say to my kids being the fertilizer.  Feeding healthy nutrients into the soil of their lives.  Telling them I love them is great, but in reality it's also basic.  Kind of like that good bye kiss I give my wife before leaving for work.  Usually more routine than special.  Don't misunderstand I will continue to tell my kids I love them, a lot!  But what if I told them how I see them?  Told them how wonderful God has made them, and how I'm going to support their spiritual and emotional health.

"Every child is born with this lifelong thirst for love."  My kids came pre packaged with questions in their hearts like: Do I matter? Does anyone really care about me? Do I have what it takes?  If my girls grow up without these questions answered they will seek those answers from another person, and most likely the most evil of all animals...boys!  God has given me this job, to answer the questions written on my girls hearts.  I need to fight to be their knight in shining armor so they will know how to tell the difference between a knight and a dragon.

So my first dare was simple in word, challenging in deed.  Find a moment when I can verbally express my love to my daughters.  For me I wanted this to go beyond "I love you."  So I planned what I would talk about and found a few minutes alone with each girl.  I told them I loved them with my whole heart, and there was nothing they could ever do to make me love them less.  I explained when I'm upset with something they've done I'm not mad "at them" but reacting to the decisions they've made.  I wanted them to understand they're mistakes don't define them.  Last I told them that I loved them so much I would fight for them.  I would fight for their physical protection and fight for what I, as their dad, believe is best for them.  

With Ailin (7yo) I got an expected reaction.  Ailin loves to be loved.  She got all smiley and gave me huge hugs.  It was like throwing a little lighter fluid on a camp fire.  She was on fire, burning with pride.  She needs this type of affirmation regularly, but for the most part she has strong faith that her mom and dad love her without limits.

Payton (10yo) gave me a reaction I believe came deep from her heart.  Her reaction reminded me what a little woman she is becoming.  When I told her I would fight for what's in her best interest, I added that goes for boys and someday husbands.  She was pretty confused and asked me more than once why I was talking about that stuff.  But in the end I got a one of those hugs when you know the other person doesn't want to let go.  Payton was just glowing.  It was like I answered the question her heart has been asking.  And the best part was when I left for work a short time later.  I was almost to my car when she came running out of the house, threw her arms around me and as if speaking from a very mature place in her heart said, "I love you daddy."

So that's it, if this journey ended after day 1 I could honestly say it was worth it.  But I have 39 days to train myself to root my little girls hearts more deeply in love to "help them be more radiant when they rise and less fearful when they fail." 

The Love Dare...for Parents

Now these three remain: faith, hope 

and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:13)

According to the intro to a book I just began reading.  My children are the fruit of my life. God made them in His image, created them with a purpose, loves them without limitation, and then placed them in my care.  This used to give me a Holy fear. Now 10 years later I want to find that fear again because I believe it will make me a better father.

I don't know about you, but I often find myself expecting perfection out of my two girls.  Now if you asked me I would tell you I don't expect them to be perfect, but if you watched my reactions when they make mistakes or choose to do wrong it's obvious I need a lot of work in grace and compassion.  Then I'm mad at myself and that causes me stress and then my stress is causing me stress.  I'm feeling pretty lost in the woods as a parent.  Can anyone out there relate?

So now I'm choosing to do something about this damaging cycle.  I'm not big on "self help" books because if I knew how to help myself I wouldn't need a stupid book!  So every now and then when I feel like I have lost perspective in a particular area I grab a book on that topic, preferably one with a biblical view on the matter.

A few years ago a very popular book was "The Love Dare" which was inspired by the movie "Fireproof".  The book was a 40 day instructional on how to better love your wife, complete with a daily dare to act out that days lesson.  Well the authors of said book have now released a new book, "The Love Dare for Parents" which appears somewhat inspired by the movie "Courageous".

So I am taking the Dare.  These posts will serve as my journal, if you will.  A way for me to flesh out what I feel and what I learn.  I will journal after each dare and journal the lesson and what the outcome was with my girls.  I am a shift worker and there are days I will only see my girls for a few minutes (literally) so this will be 40 days with my girls, not calendar days.

I have no idea where this will take me, but I know if I am committed it will surely bring me back to the place of answering my calling as a father.  Here we go...

Love Water Africa 2013 Video

Here is a photo summary of our trip to Africa this summer. Amazing what God can do when a few people allow themselves to be sent into the world with a heart for change.

My favorite thing to do in Africa

On Friday we had the opportunity to do my favorite activity in Africa.  Install bio-sand water filters (BSF).

A couple days prior we actually manufactured the filters.

These filters are amazing life saving tools.  Other than the plastic tubing they are made from 100% of materials provided by God.  The case is just concrete (water and rock) and once inside the home we fill them with 2 sizes of rock sediment and then a layer of sand on the top.  Over a short period of time a "bio layer" forms on top of the sand.  When unclean water is poured in the "bio layer" of good bacteria eats away at the bad bacteria in the water, then the sand and remaining sediment continue to clean the water.  It is incredible to watch as we pour in brown water and it comes out over 98% pure within seconds!

Overall Love-Water installed 40 of these filters into families homes who could not afford one.  Many of the families told us they struggle with stomach issues on a weekly basis including severe cramping and diarrhea.  It was not uncommon to be in a family home that would have up to 10-12 people using the filters once installed.  Most of those 10-12 were usually children.

  

I think each one of us were humbled to be welcomed into these homes and to play a small part in trying to bring healing and health to these families.  We also had the privelege of praying for the families and to explain to them why we came all the way from America to do this.  As you can imagine....very emotional.

Kava School gets to keep doors open because clean water is provided

On Wednesday we had the opportunity to travel to an area called Kavu and see the ground breaking for a water well Love-Water is providing there.  This school used to have children bring water to school every day similar to Dambo School.  Recently, they were told they would be forced to close if they did not find a way to get clean water at the school.  Enter Love-Water.org and their amazing donors.

  

This school now has the ability to keep their doors open and keep providing a great education to the children in that area.  And after meeting the Head Teacher (principal) it was clear these kids are getting a great education!   

It was amazing to be here to see what so many of you are supporting through your prayers and finances. Now more than 1,600 children have access to clean water and a quality education...Thanks to You!

Oasis Village Orphanage water well update

Just a quick update about the water situation at Oasis Village Orphanage.  After a few delays Seeds of Hope was able to send a team to the well and try to place a pump down the borehole.  Unfortunately, some of the hole casing is broken and prevents the pump from being dropped downing to the water level.  So where does that leave us?

It appears we have one final alternative.  Seeds of Hope will send a drill team back out to the orphanage and try to break up the broken pieces of casing and using a compressor attached to the drill attempt to blow out the broken pieces so they don't drop into the well.  If this does not work we may be back to square one and needing to drill a new borehole.  The challenge with that is it could cost as much as $6,500 to do that and that money does not currently exist.  So please keep praying for Oasis Village Orphanage and the water they need to be able to open their doors to these vulnerable children.  

These additional efforts will now happen after we leave Africa.  I will try and update those interested even after I return and get word of the outcome.  Until then, prayers are still the most powerful thing we can do for these children.