Love is Patient

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up 

int the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4)

This might be the main reason I felt led to start this journey.  I feel like I fly off the handle at my offspring too often.  I think it goes back to my first post where I don't expect my kids to be perfect but I sure have an unreasonably high expectation of them.  Don't misunderstand, I will always have a high expectation of my kids to do the right thing and treat others with kindness and respect.  Especially since it seems like the world doesn't expect those qualities out of kids these days.  But I need to balance that with the knowledge that my girls are 10 and 7 respectively.  

Patience is how love diffuses something negative.  Have your kids ever done anything negative?  Of course, and you are probably only thinking of this morning when they were getting ready for school.  My kids have the amazing ability to test the level of my patience with their tone, disobedience, irresponsibility, and at times lack of respect.  Sometimes in those moments I say or do something I am mad at myself for later.  These are the times I know I need to pause and not react emotionally.  The better parent in me waits until my brain has processed the incident and then make a logical parenting decision.  

This is what is so amazing about God's patience.  The bible says He is "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness" (Exodus 34:6).  If my kids were able to say those words about my parenting style I would feel like a champion! God lets his overflowing love control his anger.  Notice I did not say to not be angry.  The bible says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26).  Sometimes anger is appropriate but I must choose to not let it control my emotions and actions.

I have spent the last week really focusing on this attribute as a parent.  I can tell you it is like many things in life in that the more you do it the easier it becomes.  That said, I really did not shine on one particular day.  But tomorrow is a new day and I purposed in my heart I would change.  Through the week I found time with my girls much more enjoyable.  A reasonable expectation and a long fuse made for some rather good daddy/daughter times.  And I found I noticed some more simple pleasures like just the smiles my girls have.  It's tough to see the simple things when you lose focus.

Obviously this is not a one day, or one week thing.  I want this to continue through the rest of my time with my girls.  So if you see me, I give you permission to ask me how long my fuse has been lately.  I promise not to blow up at you.  

Love Blooms

...you, being rooted and grounded in love...(Ephesians 3:17)

Today was all about the question, how fertile is the love soil in my home?  Sound a little flowery?(pun intended) It's a great mental picture of thinking about how plants grow and how my kids grow.  I'm no green thumb when it comes to plants (or kids), but I have watered enough plants and grass to know that with good fertilizer and routine watering they will grow to be beautiful creations.

Imagine the words I say to my kids being the fertilizer.  Feeding healthy nutrients into the soil of their lives.  Telling them I love them is great, but in reality it's also basic.  Kind of like that good bye kiss I give my wife before leaving for work.  Usually more routine than special.  Don't misunderstand I will continue to tell my kids I love them, a lot!  But what if I told them how I see them?  Told them how wonderful God has made them, and how I'm going to support their spiritual and emotional health.

"Every child is born with this lifelong thirst for love."  My kids came pre packaged with questions in their hearts like: Do I matter? Does anyone really care about me? Do I have what it takes?  If my girls grow up without these questions answered they will seek those answers from another person, and most likely the most evil of all animals...boys!  God has given me this job, to answer the questions written on my girls hearts.  I need to fight to be their knight in shining armor so they will know how to tell the difference between a knight and a dragon.

So my first dare was simple in word, challenging in deed.  Find a moment when I can verbally express my love to my daughters.  For me I wanted this to go beyond "I love you."  So I planned what I would talk about and found a few minutes alone with each girl.  I told them I loved them with my whole heart, and there was nothing they could ever do to make me love them less.  I explained when I'm upset with something they've done I'm not mad "at them" but reacting to the decisions they've made.  I wanted them to understand they're mistakes don't define them.  Last I told them that I loved them so much I would fight for them.  I would fight for their physical protection and fight for what I, as their dad, believe is best for them.  

With Ailin (7yo) I got an expected reaction.  Ailin loves to be loved.  She got all smiley and gave me huge hugs.  It was like throwing a little lighter fluid on a camp fire.  She was on fire, burning with pride.  She needs this type of affirmation regularly, but for the most part she has strong faith that her mom and dad love her without limits.

Payton (10yo) gave me a reaction I believe came deep from her heart.  Her reaction reminded me what a little woman she is becoming.  When I told her I would fight for what's in her best interest, I added that goes for boys and someday husbands.  She was pretty confused and asked me more than once why I was talking about that stuff.  But in the end I got a one of those hugs when you know the other person doesn't want to let go.  Payton was just glowing.  It was like I answered the question her heart has been asking.  And the best part was when I left for work a short time later.  I was almost to my car when she came running out of the house, threw her arms around me and as if speaking from a very mature place in her heart said, "I love you daddy."

So that's it, if this journey ended after day 1 I could honestly say it was worth it.  But I have 39 days to train myself to root my little girls hearts more deeply in love to "help them be more radiant when they rise and less fearful when they fail." 

The Love Dare...for Parents

Now these three remain: faith, hope 

and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:13)

According to the intro to a book I just began reading.  My children are the fruit of my life. God made them in His image, created them with a purpose, loves them without limitation, and then placed them in my care.  This used to give me a Holy fear. Now 10 years later I want to find that fear again because I believe it will make me a better father.

I don't know about you, but I often find myself expecting perfection out of my two girls.  Now if you asked me I would tell you I don't expect them to be perfect, but if you watched my reactions when they make mistakes or choose to do wrong it's obvious I need a lot of work in grace and compassion.  Then I'm mad at myself and that causes me stress and then my stress is causing me stress.  I'm feeling pretty lost in the woods as a parent.  Can anyone out there relate?

So now I'm choosing to do something about this damaging cycle.  I'm not big on "self help" books because if I knew how to help myself I wouldn't need a stupid book!  So every now and then when I feel like I have lost perspective in a particular area I grab a book on that topic, preferably one with a biblical view on the matter.

A few years ago a very popular book was "The Love Dare" which was inspired by the movie "Fireproof".  The book was a 40 day instructional on how to better love your wife, complete with a daily dare to act out that days lesson.  Well the authors of said book have now released a new book, "The Love Dare for Parents" which appears somewhat inspired by the movie "Courageous".

So I am taking the Dare.  These posts will serve as my journal, if you will.  A way for me to flesh out what I feel and what I learn.  I will journal after each dare and journal the lesson and what the outcome was with my girls.  I am a shift worker and there are days I will only see my girls for a few minutes (literally) so this will be 40 days with my girls, not calendar days.

I have no idea where this will take me, but I know if I am committed it will surely bring me back to the place of answering my calling as a father.  Here we go...

Love Water Africa 2013 Video

Here is a photo summary of our trip to Africa this summer. Amazing what God can do when a few people allow themselves to be sent into the world with a heart for change.

My favorite thing to do in Africa

On Friday we had the opportunity to do my favorite activity in Africa.  Install bio-sand water filters (BSF).

A couple days prior we actually manufactured the filters.

These filters are amazing life saving tools.  Other than the plastic tubing they are made from 100% of materials provided by God.  The case is just concrete (water and rock) and once inside the home we fill them with 2 sizes of rock sediment and then a layer of sand on the top.  Over a short period of time a "bio layer" forms on top of the sand.  When unclean water is poured in the "bio layer" of good bacteria eats away at the bad bacteria in the water, then the sand and remaining sediment continue to clean the water.  It is incredible to watch as we pour in brown water and it comes out over 98% pure within seconds!

Overall Love-Water installed 40 of these filters into families homes who could not afford one.  Many of the families told us they struggle with stomach issues on a weekly basis including severe cramping and diarrhea.  It was not uncommon to be in a family home that would have up to 10-12 people using the filters once installed.  Most of those 10-12 were usually children.

  

I think each one of us were humbled to be welcomed into these homes and to play a small part in trying to bring healing and health to these families.  We also had the privelege of praying for the families and to explain to them why we came all the way from America to do this.  As you can imagine....very emotional.

Kava School gets to keep doors open because clean water is provided

On Wednesday we had the opportunity to travel to an area called Kavu and see the ground breaking for a water well Love-Water is providing there.  This school used to have children bring water to school every day similar to Dambo School.  Recently, they were told they would be forced to close if they did not find a way to get clean water at the school.  Enter Love-Water.org and their amazing donors.

  

This school now has the ability to keep their doors open and keep providing a great education to the children in that area.  And after meeting the Head Teacher (principal) it was clear these kids are getting a great education!   

It was amazing to be here to see what so many of you are supporting through your prayers and finances. Now more than 1,600 children have access to clean water and a quality education...Thanks to You!

Oasis Village Orphanage water well update

Just a quick update about the water situation at Oasis Village Orphanage.  After a few delays Seeds of Hope was able to send a team to the well and try to place a pump down the borehole.  Unfortunately, some of the hole casing is broken and prevents the pump from being dropped downing to the water level.  So where does that leave us?

It appears we have one final alternative.  Seeds of Hope will send a drill team back out to the orphanage and try to break up the broken pieces of casing and using a compressor attached to the drill attempt to blow out the broken pieces so they don't drop into the well.  If this does not work we may be back to square one and needing to drill a new borehole.  The challenge with that is it could cost as much as $6,500 to do that and that money does not currently exist.  So please keep praying for Oasis Village Orphanage and the water they need to be able to open their doors to these vulnerable children.  

These additional efforts will now happen after we leave Africa.  I will try and update those interested even after I return and get word of the outcome.  Until then, prayers are still the most powerful thing we can do for these children.

Morning failure is afternoon success

On Saturday we tried to do a few different projects.  All failed due to lack of resources in one way or another.  So sitting at the house with half the day to go we decided to visit an orphanage we drive by every day.

Jake went inside and asked if we could play with the kids and got the go ahead.  We were surprised to see that in the play area only 3 kids were home because the other 7 were out playing with friends.  After a while the remaining kids got home and were very excited to play with the visitors.  Sadly, one of the younger boys we played with at first now felt left out and I found him off by himself very sad and crying a little.  With very little common language between us, I extended my hand and invited him to play with me. As it turned out, he just needed to be held.  Minutes later he was asleep in my arms.  I decided if that's what he needed in that moment, I would give it to him.  I spent the rest of our time there just holding him.  Not what we planned but exactly what was supposed to happen.

Sometimes when we think the day we planned is not a success, God calls us to an unplanned task which He calls successful because it was His plan all along.

            

Giving the orphanage a test drive

 On Wednesday we went to Dambo School where Love-Water funded a water well 2 years ago.  One of the previous challenges was children were required to bring 2.5 liters of water each day to school.  Quite a task considering this would add to the quantities families have to walk various distances to collect.  The water would be used for filling toilets among other things.  Now with the well the water is cleaner, healthier and obviously on school grounds which is very helpful.

In the afternoon we went back out to Sakanai village and picked up about 45 kids and took them out to Oasis Village Orphanage to play games and enjoy some fun snacks and sweets.  All the kids were transported in the back of a small flatbed truck which made for a pretty cool concert during the half hour drive.  The kids sang worship songs the entire way, so loud that the numerous people we drove by would turn and look to see where the music was coming from.  The older kids acted as worship leaders while the younger kids would request songs.  It was beautiful to hear all 45 voices singing praises to God.

After playing with the kids we gathered together in the cafeteria area to pass out the snacks.  I was reminded how so many of these children are in survival mode.  After some would be given their little packages of cookies they would hide them behind their backs and try and get more.  They do this because they are don't know when/if more food will be available to them.  But there were a few who would openly save their food to share with the kids back at the village who did not get to come to Oasis.  This was amazing to see children with so little, be so committed to sharing with others.

We are being told Monday might be the day we make an attempt to install a pump at the orphanage.  Please continue to pray this works and more expensive, complex measures are not needed.

Sakanai Village

Today after painting some more roof tops at Oasis Village Orphanage we drove out to Sakanai Village to see the kids who will eventually be coming to the orphanage.  Many of the children there do not have a father or mother and many children that do have parents live in homes where alcohol is abused terribly.  Elim City Church has identified this area to be an area with many vulnarable children.

Walking through the village it was not hard to notice the child to adult ratio was heavily in favor of the children.  Without taking an official census I would not be surprised if it was roughly 10/1.  Many of the youngest need to be cared for by those only slightly older than themselves.  A few times we would see children no more than 5 or 6 years old with an infant slung on their back.

Today we were able to put little faces to our previously general mission.  Please pray for these children in their current environment and also for success with the orphanage water well so that children can begin moving into their new home.

These kids are like our kids at home, huge smiles and easy to love.  Below is a picture of a child playing with a homemade football (soccerball for you Americans).  It is made from plastic bags wrapped around most likely sugar cane.  These kids are amazing football players and excel in making us look silly when it comes to this game.

                           

Oasis Village Orphanage

Thankfully we did finally arrive in Zambia Thursday morning.  We got right to work going to Seeds of Hope and began prepping 20 Bio-sand filters for install.  Bio-sand filters are very close to my heart.  They are a very economical way to give families clean life saving water.  Each filter cost only $85 and lasts forever.  No filter to change, no upkeep, simply amazing.  How much money would it take to change your families life?  Here $85 saves can save lives of an entire family.  I will post more about bio-sand filters later when we go out and install.

                            

On Friday we went to a local primary school.  This was my first visit to a Zambian school but the kids acted the same as kids we've seen in the villages and compounds.  They were very intrigued by the Mazungu (white people) and became very charismatic whenever a camera came out.  We were there as part of an outreach program by Elim City Church.  The program was very energetic and the kids were engaged when they weren't distracted by the Mazungu.  I was again reminded of the water crisis here.  I watched as kids waited to use a single inch and a half water line that came out of the ground.  This water source is shared by the school of over 3,000 students and the surrounding neighborhood.  Imagine what it would be like for you to share one faucet with around 4,000 people.  But wait, there's more.  Imagine that water you share with 4,000 people is filled with disease and sickness.  That is what I was watching.  A strong reminder of why we are here and why we will not abandon our brothers and sisters in their need.

Saturday we had the opportunity to go to Oasis Village Orphanage.  This is a big part of why we are here.  The orphanage is not allowed to open until there is a water supply.  There are approximately 60 orphans waiting to move into this great place.  

This day we could not complete the water need, but there were roofs in need of painting.  So we grabbed some paint brushes and filled the need.  Luckily the heat of the day did not get too crazy, so being up on a metal roof in the Africa sun was not like eggs in a frying pan.

Our hope is that by the time we leave the water problem at Oasis will be solved.  It's hard to get into too much detail about the problems but here is the gist.  A well has been drilled but there are problems with encasing the bore whole that protects it.  We will attempt to put a pump down the 110 meter whole in 2 weeks.  If that does not work it could severely complicate things.  Please pray that this pump will be successful and the orphanage will be cleared to open.

Until next time...

Cause living in airports for three days wasn't enough...

Today I had planned on posting about our arrival in Ndola Zambia, but it was not to be.  Today we are stranded in Johannesburg South Africa.  Our plane from London was delayed 3 hours so when we landed in Johannesburg after 11 hours we had missed our connecting and final flight to Ndola.  To boot, I got sick on the plane which hasnt happened in years.  Even before you add in a team members lost luggage it was a pretty patience testing day.  To rub a little salt in the wound, pretty sure we saw our missed flight taking off as we were landing.

The silver lining is I was able to witness our team display great perspective.  Nobody lost their cool and we were calm in the face of adversity.  This was not easy after we learned there were no more outbound planes to Ndola today.  Hello 21 hour layover.  We are now being told we "should" be able to get on the 6am flight tomorrow.

So we are spending the night in Johannesburg.  Tired and weary but filled with strength in our hearts and courage for the days ahead.  If you feel lead to pray, please ask God for his favor with our health and continued mental toughness.  And we would really like to get to Ndola tomorrow so we can get to work!

Oh, and we did finally get that lost luggage.  It came at a time when we desperately needed something to go right.

Asked, Sent, Went...

Here I am on the eve of starting a very long journey to return to Zambia Africa for clean water projects.  (9,527 miles, but who's counting.)  I have been asked many times by many people, "Are you ready?" or "Are you excited?"  The truth is yes...and sort of all at the same time.  How can one be ready to be away from their family for a record number of days?  How can one say they are excited without feeling like you are admitting to be excited to be away from the people you love most on this earth?  

Only one thing can drive a home-body like me to travel 9,527 miles from my comfortable bed and comfortable routine.  (I love my routine!)  That one thing is Jesus Christ.  He said in Luke 9:23,"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." Now I would never compare anything I do to Jesus carrying his cross to Calvary for me, but I think he was being literal about the other part to deny ourselves.  I mean let's be honest, in our day to day lives we go to great lengths to bring ourselves comfort.  For me it's being a home-body and my daily routine.  Lame to you maybe, but brings me great comfort.  

But more than that it's daily seeing my wife and kids who I love intensely.  But what did Jesus have to say about that in Luke 14? “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple." I didn't go there, Jesus did. I'll let you do your own study on what he meant by hate, but again Christ is calling us to follow Him at a price. Theologian and dissident Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die." (Cost of Discipleship 1937) Bonhoeffer didn't believe in cheap grace.

I remember telling a friend of mine one time that I loved Jesus more than my wife.  His first question was did she know that.  She knows and even better, she approves.  It is for that reason that I can confidently leave my family and deny myself my comfortable life and go to a place where Jesus has called me.  While I can tell you truthfully I am not excited to be away from my family I know that where Jesus has called me, He is waiting.  And I am incredibly excited about spending the month in Africa with Jesus!

So I encourage you to listen close.  Listen to where Jesus is calling you in this season of your life.  He may be calling you to another country, or to a need in your town, or just to a neighbor who really needs to know someone genuinely cares about them.  Give it a try today.