Love Blooms

...you, being rooted and grounded in love...(Ephesians 3:17)

Today was all about the question, how fertile is the love soil in my home?  Sound a little flowery?(pun intended) It's a great mental picture of thinking about how plants grow and how my kids grow.  I'm no green thumb when it comes to plants (or kids), but I have watered enough plants and grass to know that with good fertilizer and routine watering they will grow to be beautiful creations.

Imagine the words I say to my kids being the fertilizer.  Feeding healthy nutrients into the soil of their lives.  Telling them I love them is great, but in reality it's also basic.  Kind of like that good bye kiss I give my wife before leaving for work.  Usually more routine than special.  Don't misunderstand I will continue to tell my kids I love them, a lot!  But what if I told them how I see them?  Told them how wonderful God has made them, and how I'm going to support their spiritual and emotional health.

"Every child is born with this lifelong thirst for love."  My kids came pre packaged with questions in their hearts like: Do I matter? Does anyone really care about me? Do I have what it takes?  If my girls grow up without these questions answered they will seek those answers from another person, and most likely the most evil of all animals...boys!  God has given me this job, to answer the questions written on my girls hearts.  I need to fight to be their knight in shining armor so they will know how to tell the difference between a knight and a dragon.

So my first dare was simple in word, challenging in deed.  Find a moment when I can verbally express my love to my daughters.  For me I wanted this to go beyond "I love you."  So I planned what I would talk about and found a few minutes alone with each girl.  I told them I loved them with my whole heart, and there was nothing they could ever do to make me love them less.  I explained when I'm upset with something they've done I'm not mad "at them" but reacting to the decisions they've made.  I wanted them to understand they're mistakes don't define them.  Last I told them that I loved them so much I would fight for them.  I would fight for their physical protection and fight for what I, as their dad, believe is best for them.  

With Ailin (7yo) I got an expected reaction.  Ailin loves to be loved.  She got all smiley and gave me huge hugs.  It was like throwing a little lighter fluid on a camp fire.  She was on fire, burning with pride.  She needs this type of affirmation regularly, but for the most part she has strong faith that her mom and dad love her without limits.

Payton (10yo) gave me a reaction I believe came deep from her heart.  Her reaction reminded me what a little woman she is becoming.  When I told her I would fight for what's in her best interest, I added that goes for boys and someday husbands.  She was pretty confused and asked me more than once why I was talking about that stuff.  But in the end I got a one of those hugs when you know the other person doesn't want to let go.  Payton was just glowing.  It was like I answered the question her heart has been asking.  And the best part was when I left for work a short time later.  I was almost to my car when she came running out of the house, threw her arms around me and as if speaking from a very mature place in her heart said, "I love you daddy."

So that's it, if this journey ended after day 1 I could honestly say it was worth it.  But I have 39 days to train myself to root my little girls hearts more deeply in love to "help them be more radiant when they rise and less fearful when they fail." 

The Love Dare...for Parents

Now these three remain: faith, hope 

and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13:13)

According to the intro to a book I just began reading.  My children are the fruit of my life. God made them in His image, created them with a purpose, loves them without limitation, and then placed them in my care.  This used to give me a Holy fear. Now 10 years later I want to find that fear again because I believe it will make me a better father.

I don't know about you, but I often find myself expecting perfection out of my two girls.  Now if you asked me I would tell you I don't expect them to be perfect, but if you watched my reactions when they make mistakes or choose to do wrong it's obvious I need a lot of work in grace and compassion.  Then I'm mad at myself and that causes me stress and then my stress is causing me stress.  I'm feeling pretty lost in the woods as a parent.  Can anyone out there relate?

So now I'm choosing to do something about this damaging cycle.  I'm not big on "self help" books because if I knew how to help myself I wouldn't need a stupid book!  So every now and then when I feel like I have lost perspective in a particular area I grab a book on that topic, preferably one with a biblical view on the matter.

A few years ago a very popular book was "The Love Dare" which was inspired by the movie "Fireproof".  The book was a 40 day instructional on how to better love your wife, complete with a daily dare to act out that days lesson.  Well the authors of said book have now released a new book, "The Love Dare for Parents" which appears somewhat inspired by the movie "Courageous".

So I am taking the Dare.  These posts will serve as my journal, if you will.  A way for me to flesh out what I feel and what I learn.  I will journal after each dare and journal the lesson and what the outcome was with my girls.  I am a shift worker and there are days I will only see my girls for a few minutes (literally) so this will be 40 days with my girls, not calendar days.

I have no idea where this will take me, but I know if I am committed it will surely bring me back to the place of answering my calling as a father.  Here we go...

Love Water Africa 2013 Video

Here is a photo summary of our trip to Africa this summer. Amazing what God can do when a few people allow themselves to be sent into the world with a heart for change.